Lesson Three - Patience

I've always considered myself a patient person.  My son once described me as having borderline endless patience.  I'm pretty laid back and don't let things get to me (mostly).  But God decided it was time to show me the one area of my life where I did not have that patience.  That was relationships. 

You all remember Joe.  Well, I said that he was my first real crush.  As soon as I saw him again, the butterflies started all over.  He is the only one to ever give me butterflies. 

In my head I thought, 'Did God send him back into my life?  Did He finally send me someone that would show me what love was supposed to be?'  I had spent my whole life finding out what love wasn't.  I did know what all kinds of abuse were.  I knew what manipulation was.  I knew what controlling was.   I knew what it was like to be used and taken advantage of.   But I had no idea what love was. 

If you have ever heard of the 5 love languages you will understand when I say that mine is words of affirmation and matching me with someone that has a tendency to have periods of hermiting was not good.  He will go silent for days and sometimes weeks.  He suffers from PTSD and sometimes it will cause him to withdraw.  After a while I got used to it and learned to be patient until he was ready to talk again, but at first it was very frustrating for me.  I would text him and text him and text him.  I knew that sooner or later he would come out of it and text me back.  What I didn't understand that during these times he really just wanted to be left alone.  My texting him was just upsetting him.    I finally learned and would text him every few days just to say I was thinking about him.  I still wanted him to know I was there for him but not expecting a response.

Sometimes we would make plans to do something on the weekend and as the weekend would get closer, I would send him a reminder.  The PTSD also made him forgetful sometimes.  Only to get a reply that he forgot and made plans with his daughter.  I am absolutely ok with family first.  I would never get upset with him for spending time with his girls.  Jokingly, one time I asked how he was going to make it up to me.  He said he didn't know and I never heard anything more. 

The more all of this happened the more frustrated I got.  I noticed that many of the scriptures that started coming my way had to do with patience.  God does things in His time, not mine.   I had to be patient and give him the room he needed. 

Now I had a tendency to shut down when things got uncomfortable.  It was very hard for me to talk about how I was feeling.   I made a deal with Joe…. I will try not to shut down when we need to talk and he would just let me know when he needed his space.  That worked for a little while but the ghosting was getting really irritating and sometimes even hurtful.  Over time we got better giving each other space when we needed.  I knew this one was not going to be one of those where I learned my lesson and move on to the next.

To show you how this whole process is continuous…

As I write this there is an individual that I work with that I know God has put in my path to test me… daily.  Sometimes we can get along civilly.  Other times , especially when other people are around, he can be very condescending and disrespectful.  He will talk down to me and push every button I have, and when I try to walk away he will follow me and push them all again.  He's the type to take credit for what I do and throw me under the but at every stop.  I will admit that the 'borderline endless patience'… let's just say that with some people that border is much closer than others.

I have learned that my tolerance level is really taking a hit, but I no longer let anyone walk all over me.  At the same time I am still working on being patient and kind and humble in the face of this adversity.  When things get escalated I have learned to remove myself from the situation, walk away, and pray for God to restore my calm and peace. 

My point… We are always a work in progress…. A masterpiece in the making!